Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Vortex2 De-Mystified

Courtesy of chaser/photographer extraordinaire Ryan McGinnis, from the entertaining/flaming Vortex2 thread on the Stormtrack Message Board. You can click on a link below to really learn about the project, but the issue at hand is the massive fleet of vehicles (over 40 total) that will be out on the Plains collecting research data with the goal of increasing warning times, and ultimately saving lives. In the process, they may be taking up a LOT roadside real estate over the next month or so that would normally be taken by enthusiast storm chasers. Selfishness and entitlement abounds. Ryan has a way of effectively getting his sarcastic point across. Well done, Sir. And ditto.

Frequently Asked Questions For sci.geo.stormtrack.vortex2-thread

Q1: What is Vortex 2?

Vortex 2 is a two year science mission to study various supercellular parameters and how they relate to tornado genesis. You can find out more here.

Q2: Well I think it's useless.

It's not useless -- just do a bit of research and you will see their team research goals.

Q3: Clicking links is a lot of work. I don't want to.


Q4: Well I still think it's useless.

See Q1.

Q5: If I'm on the plains and a Vortex 2 radar truck pulls next to me and kindly asks me if I can maybe move my car 20 feet to the north so that he can have an unobstructed view to collect data for a 12 million dollar science project designed to help save lives, can I kill him and take his truck?

No. Murdering radar truck drivers is illegal. The kind thing to do would be to smile and agree and move the car 20 feet to the north. Possibly later the Vortex 2 driver will buy you a beer.

Q6: But what if I don't want to move? Can I tell him to screw off? Can I make an obscene gesture? Can I passively-aggressively sigh and roll my eyes?

Yes, all of these things are allowable responses; however, you may wish to consult alt.jerks.recovery for further information about why these responses may not be perceived as optimal.

Q7: Okay but what if the truck driver is a real idiot. He's just looking at me funny when I ask him to "cross my palm with silver". What if he tries to battle ram me?

This is a highly improbable scenario. If it occurs, you should contact law enforcement.

Q8: Okay but what if the truck driver has zombie dogs, and the dogs are like, barking, and every time they bark, zombie bees come out of their mouth and try to turn me into a zombie with their zombie stings?

Zombie mitigation is outside the purview of this FAQ, however, it should be noted that it is highly unlikely you will be able to successfully destroy the central nervous system of large quantities of zombie bees and zombie dogs before you succumb to stings and bites. The most prudent course of action would be to depress the accelerator to the floor and not release it until you have crossed a state line. Please consult sci.geo.vortex2.zombie-dogs for more information.

Q9: But I don't want to move for anyone, ever! I'm a very special person!

It's okay. Yes, you are.

Q10: Where can I become a certified chaser? Do they issue free lightbars?


1 comment:

Michael said...

I wish the Zombie-Dog link was real. That is a great FAQ.