Last-Minute Gift Ideas for the Kids



So, uh, Barbie takes a knife once in a while. Or maybe Ken gets cut, you know what I mean?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Breaking News: Your Kids' Names Suck. Developing....

This has been a prevailing thought of mine for a while now, and I'm positive I'm not alone here. I'm going to try to keep my composure & not go into some long-winded tirade talking about the outrageousness that has become new baby names in the past decade. One of the reasons that I will try not to is that I have many friends who have small children, and there may or may not be a few with names that are so ridiculous that I need not bother getting pissed about them.....their children's own fate has been sealed with their own outlandish name. But one needn't go any further than their hometown newspaper's weekly supplement showing new births for that given week in their City, and simply marvel at the idiacy that are newborn names. Go ahead, pick your favorites, they're all there....I'll spare the innocent and spare you mine. Now I'm not a parent yet, so if you feel as if I'm speaking out of turn on this, I'm only looking out for the innocent...
Read more

July 25, 1993...

Image
I was woken up early by my dad, who came in slowly, quietly to my bedroom after trying to process the news he and my mother had received 45 minutes previously. The unthinkable. It was a bright, shiny Sunday morning, the sun just now coming through the curtain of my east window. I had been at a friend's house the night before playing music in our high school garage band. Had it not been for the band, and the fact that I was scheduled to work at the grocery store that Sunday morning, who's to say I wouldn't have been out at that party with them Saturday night? Dad sat down on the edge of my bed, placed his hand on my shoulder, shaking it gently.  "Buddy... Buddy wake up." I rolled over quickly. Dad never woke me up in the mornings. "I've got some really bad news to tell you..." His eyes visibly red, his voice weak and shaky.  "...You lost two friends last night." "Who?" Twenty years is an eternity, and also a blink of an eye. A comm...
Read more

The Legend of Bucky: A Malvern Boy's Rite of Passage

Image
It was called the rest home by most in town, but it certainly wasn't the type of place that the elderly go to shuffle up & down hallway corridors aimlessly, or lay in bed waiting out their last days on earth. The group home was in a century-old hotel, just east of Main on 3rd St. For me, it was across the street from Granny's house, across from the Leader Office and directly behind Randy's Tastee Sweet. It was named Nishna Cottage, and it was home for a collection of ex-junkies, the mentally disabled, and other various adults with mental and physical disabilities that, to an impressionable youth, appeared to have been forgotten about by family, if they had any left that would still claim them. The structure itself had served as a hotel in the late 19th early 20th century. It was on the payroll as a state institution, loosely affiliated wit the Glenwood State Hospital & School, a fifteen minute drive west of town. The residents, from what I could tell, were free t...
Read more